Log in

FireBelleShannon's Journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> Chase
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Sunday, September 23rd, 2001
1:02 am - Now let me blow ya mind..
Well, its been a rough day..I had my period..talked to chell a bit..then when Josh came home? had a huge fight...got over it..doing what I want to anyway..love him still..

(comment on this)

Thursday, August 9th, 2001
12:57 am - No. 1 Crush
YES I am finally back in business. WOW its been a while, I love my journal though.
I can't believe what Andrew and Gina pulled off today. Saying that I was cheating on my boyfriend...Andrew knows the truth, but he refuses to speak it. Well...Welcome back cruel world.
I would die for you.
Oh..and for those who hate to role play with me? IM BAAAACK.
And I'm in every forum that I'm supposed to be banned from, HA HA.
Sorinay's STILL a DB too. Ill be putting a new pic on here soon of me.

current mood: annoyed

(comment on this)

Sunday, May 20th, 2001
8:35 pm - I'm...Baaaaaack
wow, okay when was the last entry? I don't even know! this is a test...o.o

(comment on this)

Sunday, January 14th, 2001
12:46 am - "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." Mahatma Gandhi
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln

Regan and Joey. My Newest friend, and my Twin. This journal entry goes to you.

There are times in my life, that I want to forget. I want to forget the ways of my father, I want to forget the move from New York to Virginia, I want to forget the mistakes I have made...but you know what? If I hadn't had problems with my father, I would never have grown so close to my sisters. If I hadn't moved to Virginia, I would have never graduated early...become a fire fighter...gotten my degree and landed my own apartment and job......and If I forgot my mistakes..or somehow never made any? I would have never had found you two. I would have never wanted to search for someone to talk to when I could no longer speak. I would have had nothing to do..but sit and watch TV or...something dreadfully worse. Hell...You guys have both been there for me, You've made me laugh the hardest...let me cry the loudest...cuss the most...and vent as I wished. I am SO grateful. I am...SO grateful.
Regan, I may never meet you...but being able to say so much to you...even if all i get is a "uh huh" I know you know what I am saying. You've never lost a beat. You know the truth. You just...KNOW.
My Twin?
Remember the perfect families? with their 2.5 kids? Our Wonder twin Powers will live on. And So help me GOD If I don't get a DAMN thing out of these AOL years...it will be your friendship. You were great to hang with in Richmond..with your awesome friends. and I know I will never forget that!
So...bottom line? You guys are true. You are genuine. And...that...I will never forget, I can't...I simply can't....

"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. "
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Thank you...

The rest of this..is dedicated to those whom do not know me.
suck it.

(1 comment | comment on this)

Thursday, January 11th, 2001
1:05 pm - "...it was Kung Fu Fighting...those guys was fast as lightning.."
Yeah...Im in a weird mood. When am I not? I sent my pictures to Geri, I hope she puts them on her web site. Prolly everyone except for that Melissa person hates me LOL. Oh well! Travis is in DEEP SHIT. Im talking like...WAIST DEEP. It figures he would think with that pee pee of his..but im really upset. I miss Brian though...can't seem to keep him out of my head. he went to Atlanta last night for a drive job. I hope he's ok.
Now the song is over and I've lost my mood..lol Don't you just love music? Well..theres really nothing else I can talk about.

current mood: devious

(comment on this)

Wednesday, January 10th, 2001
4:44 pm - "Love is the right place"
Hey Hey.....Yeap...I feel it. Im in love...You know who you are. I love you.

current mood: touched

(comment on this)

Tuesday, January 9th, 2001
1:54 pm - As clumsy as you could be, There's no one laughing.
I just told Regan about my confrontation with Shane last night. Yeah...he's the guy who failed the Burger King Psych Test.
I told him that he had a small Penis...and he said to me..
"At least I don't have Hips the size of a Mack truck"
My reply was....
"Hon...I can lose the hips.."
I rule.
Ill be waving my hand...watching you drown, watching you scream...

current mood: high

(comment on this)

10:17 am - Music is played for love, and Cruisin' was made for Love...
Yay. Cliff won't seem to stop talking about me, im glad Ill be etched into his mind for the rest of his life..eh...yeah.
Anyway, I was so scared at work because Jim and I got into a fight. I walked into my Boss' office, and he was laughing about the whole thing. He likes me a lot, and Im so greatful for that. Seems like I can keep my job for as long as I want.
My mom wont leave me alone, she'll be here in prolly 15 minutes. I think Ill wear a skirt today...tee.
um..that's about it...

current mood: determined

(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2001
4:33 pm - "Dont call me baby"
Drank a bottle of Paul Masson....sittin..and having weird thoughts..yeap.

current mood: weird

(comment on this)

1:03 pm - A story..
I heard this from one of my best friends, who's life was taken from me on April 14th 1998.

A guy was stuck in a hole, with no way to get out. The walls were too wet and muddy for him to crawl up, and the only bit of light he had was from a small lantern.
After sitting in the hole, for what seemed eternity, he finally looked up and saw a preacher man walking by the very top of the hole. The man cupped his hands to his face and yelled "Father! Could you help me get out of this hole?" The preacher man, didn't even bother to look down, he just kept right on walking. The man, was sent into despair..until he looked up and saw a police officer. Feeling as though the police officer could help him out..he yelled to him next. "Sir...could you PLEASE help me? Im stuck in this hole, I can't seem to get out! Come on throw a guy a line here!" the police officer didn't even look down..he just kept right on walking.
Finally...the man saw his best friend walk by. The man scrambled to his feet and he yelled at the top of his lungs, "Robbie! Ole buddy, could you please..Please help me get out of here?" Robbie, the guys friend...was the only one to notice him, and he promptly jumped right on down into the hole with him.
Dumbfounded, the man Looked at Robbie and he said "what..are you Crazy? Why on earth are you down in here with me? Now we are both Stuck" Robbie just smiled..and shook his head, "Ah..but friend, I been here before, and I know how to get out."

::smiles:: think about that one a moment....and tell me what ya think

(1 comment | comment on this)

12:40 pm - Stuffs...a Poem I wrote.

dont give me your pity, your sympathy and lies
dont chain me down with your sorrowful ties
dont give me your pain, your anguish and hate
dont try and forgive when you know its too late

dont drag me down from my naive little place
dont wipe away the happiness warming my face
dont take me away from all i hold dear
dont make me cower alone from your fears

i'll hold you forever to try and make right
for the injustice you seem to so often fight
i'll whisper the words you've forever craved
to chase off the demons until you are saved

i'll not let you falter or stray from your path
and i promise you i'll never scorn you nor laugh
i'll be here for you for as long as it takes
friendships are one thing i will never forsake

(1 comment | comment on this)

11:26 am - "Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow"
Hey..its MORNING TIME, holy crap...seriously, I talked to Emily last night, either we are both totally psycho, or totally normal. I think that Anyone who failed the Burger King Psych test has NO RIGHT to call anyone psycho. I kinda wish that Emily and I hadn't hated each other as we did before. It was a lot of wasted time. Josh will not leave me alone. I thought it would be great to talk to him, and maybe have a friend, but as always, he wants something more out of it. He won't stop calling me, and he won't stop threatening suicide. Im scared that if I totally blow him off, he'll d something to himself.
Damn Psycho.
Here's a poem thought up..

Bells of August

With thorns of iron around her wrists
She searches for higher ground
Dragging with her the chains of wisdom
She wishes she had never found
Battling with the gods of love and hate
Temptation eating her mind
So many depending on the choices she makes
Is the blind leading the blind?
One more valley,one more sea,
one more mountain to climb
But should it all fall away tomorrow
Let the bells of August still chime

Don't ask, because I have no idea..

current mood: accomplished

(comment on this)

2:17 am - "This is all I want to feel tonight, Tonight and the rest of my life."
Yeah...what a night. I had to work overtime because of the way drivers were running around like their heads were like...cut off or something. Anyway..
I got into trouble at work, one..because I left a ticket in the Xerox machine...Two....because a Driver threatened my life...and third because Chuck isn't "harassing" me when he comes to Envoy to rub my leg or tell me what driver im having sex with.
Well, we'll just have to see..im getting a small tape recorder..and Ill see how it goes with that.
I signed on today..only to be like...bombarded with IMs from Becca, telling me that someone is impersonating Cliff, who is impersonating me. Can't they do any better then that? it made me laugh heh.
Brian may come up tomarrow...erm...actually today. We'll have to see this happen.
I Redid my journal, now everyone can see my Mug.
I wish Josh would just...leave me alone. And no..not Mercy-Mun, he doesn't bother me.
Im actually making friends with Shane's pregnant girlfriend. I feel kinda sorry for her..and I kinda wish I could maybe help her out somehow. Shane makes me laugh too...running all around with these chicks....hell...to think I was even part of that.
Well, I cant think of anything else to really write..so...Night.

current mood: sympathetic

(comment on this)

Thursday, December 21st, 2000
2:06 am - " Going to church on Sunday does not make you a Christian any more than sleeping in a garage over night would make a Chevrolet out of you"
Well then...lets see what has occurred in the past few days. First and foremost, my roommate has left, and he did so on his ownaccord.
Eventually in life, people have to grow up, and to do so, sometimes, you have to learn the hard way. I've learned, that I am too young to have a 19 year old child, and definitely not rich enough to support one. I know my roommate tried his very hardest to earn money, but he screwed up, a lot. He lost his wallet..and refused to cash his checks at a local bank. I would have driven him anywhere that he requested, like I always did, but..he never requested. I was buying all the groceries, paying rent, electric, phone, and even the AOL we both used. It hurt a lot, because he was my friend who told me he would help me out if he moved out here, yet all of our fights centered around the money situation. I've learned, that when you live on your own, money is the root of it all, its an essential. He just couldn't cut it, bottom line? He was not prepared for the real world, and it is understood as to why he left. I do not blame him for his departure, instead, it was the lifestyle we had. We were living off my paychecks, and two people living with the price of one, isn't enough. My friends, ( my roommate and his girlfriend), chose to blame other things, even his mother blamed the situation on other things...Like me. I was put to blame, for his unhappiness...whereas he should have created his own happiness instead of giving me, the responsibility of supplying it to him. My friend Geri, sent me a letter saying that I define my life, and I am the only one to live it. And this is so true. My roommate defined his life, and he should have been the one to live it..instead of having to rely on someone who was only able to support herself. Now, ask yourself this..is there really anything to blame for living? It seemed to me, that Cliff had changed. He never expected himself to be someone who would take things from others, and basically "leech" even if he did help a little. I think he was discouraged that he had turned into that, and there is nothing wrong...given the circumstances that we had, except to learn from it, move on, and never repeat your mistakes.
I never got to say goodbye to my roommate, and this also hurts...but again..I have learned from it, I have moved on..and never again will I get a roommate.
As far as his girlfriend, who I thought was to be a good friend to me, is gone as well. A lot of things were said about me, due to Cliff's unhappiness. Looking back on it, I feel as though he said those things, because of the little "Blame Game" we both were going through. To this moment, I do not know what was said, and frankly I do not care even if Cliff did tell me he was mistaken to have said what had occurred...however, what I did care about, was that someone, who was actually flesh and blood, who had a face, and who was someone I could actually talk to..did a complete 360 on me. She did what I never thought she would even do..she conformed to the ways of these online people, the ones with no faces, no flesh no blood, instead of trying to see where the problem was originating from. Instead of coming to me, she spread those harsh words, all over this Internet. Even while I finally confronted her, she couldn't stop typing to those. yet..another lesson learned..People need help that they don't often see, and being obsessed with a box and instant messages, is very sad. and to see, one of my friends suffer from this, hurts...She has chosen the way she wished, and I hope it works out for her. In the mean time, I will watch myself more on this computer, and make sure I never get entangled into the web, like her, ever. ( no pun intended) and..as a message to her? If you were so interested in the goings-on in the apartment, You should have moved in, and saw it for yourself.
One more thing happened. My mom is home from the Hospital, and I had a wonderful time with her today. We went for some Chinese, and laughed the whole time at our usual silly antics. It was really great. I even got to show my mom and sis my HUGE Cat. His name is "King Single X, of Richmond" aka. Kujo..He's a Maine coon, and I love him...If you couldn't tell, I'm falling asleep, and really have nothing more to say...thanks for Reading this..whoever you may be.

current mood: hopeful

(comment on this)

Tuesday, December 5th, 2000
9:30 am
Okay Im sitting here, like...bored, waiting for my Paycheck, Cliff called in Sick today, Im kinda worried about what he's going through with Rice and all...I mean, She says she called, but there weren't any messages...I dunno its none of my business. Yeah wel, im bored, bye

current mood: nerdy

(comment on this)

2:28 am


I'd rather be hated than unloved,
looked down upon instead of over looked.
I'd prefer to be forgotten than to never be thought of.
I'd rather be rejected than never considered for acceptance.
I'd prefer to be mute than unheard,
and to be invisible rather than unseen.
I'd rather be talked about through rumors and lies
than to never be mentioned at all.
I'd rather be thought of as stupid
than as having no intellectual status.
I'd prefer to be thought of as weird than normal
For I'd prefer to be outcast rather than never be anything.
And lastly..
I'd rather be dead than not alive

Shannon-Chase Lewis 02:09AM
Again...I have no idea where this came from..it just..happened

current mood: hot

(comment on this)

Monday, December 4th, 2000
12:17 am
Wow, Holy shit, I've like...changed my WHOLE JOURNAL...I kinda like it though..so..heh. Anyway, I think I pissed off Crystal today, and It made me feel Good. I guess I'm back to my old ways, of making people hate me. hey, If you can't Join them, beat them. Work was a Blast! I had nothing to do, but like..Chill, and Talk to my sister. We sat and talked for about four Hours. I'm all she has right now, and She's the same with me. our Mom is in the Hosp, and it hurts us both that she'll be there until After Christmas...Wanna know why? She was Diagnosed with..forgive me now, I have no idea how to spell it..but Skitzophrenia. Yeah..she hears Voices and literally sees Dead people. It happens around the time you are 21. She's the only kids she's had, are me and Kim, so We have to be there for her. It pisses me off, when people say that I'm Psycho, when they really have NO IDEA about Psychology, or what they are actually doing when they call me that. Oh well, maybe I am.
but yanno what?
I'm Damn proud to be who I am.

current mood: bored

(comment on this)

Friday, December 1st, 2000
7:06 am
Okay...Yeah...I know...its been a While. Well, Alot has happened....Cliff announced his Return to Nevada...My Couch isnt here. The ONLY GIRL in the Office, was Fired Yesterday...and yeah, Im feeling pressure.
Rent is Due Today...yet I have untill the Fifth to Pay it..Im Scared Shitless again...that I won't make it. I have to call the Bank and see what my balance is, Cliff seems Oblivious to all the "goings-on" but I think I would rather have him that way instead of upset or Stressed.
As far as the Online things? Im Through with them all. Ive Lost a little, and gained a little however...Some Chick, called me Psycho..and I told her "Who the Hell gave you the PhD" And Sure Enough! She made a Screen name with "PhD Dreamer". Cliff said she had that a while...I could care less. She'll Keep Dreamin, untill she stops Judging people.
Bottom Line?
You Don't know me...You never will, End of Story.
I talked to Brian yesterday...He told me "I Trust you...but I dont believe a word you say" so...thats the Quote for the day.

current mood: melancholy

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, November 7th, 2000
3:18 am
Well then...this is Nice. Wooo I Love my Role Playing Life! Too bad it doesn't Consume me. if it did, then I would have to I dunno..Destroy someone! Anyway. Im kinda Bored at the moment, this is where I would Usually roleplay. But...Alas. Sinyre's been taken. If she hadn't been, she'd been killed heh heh. Anyway. I haven't seen my Twin in about two weeks. He was going to come up last Thursday, but...Haven't seen him. Seems like my Roommates Girlfriend is again showing her true colors. I have no further Comment on that. Im Angry, and Frustrated...I Just want to Scream, but then again, I don't want to waste my breath. I halfway don't care. And I know as soon as my Roomie's GF gets here, it will all be okay. After all, Its my Computer...heh.
See you later.
I want to make a Shout out to my "Democrat Friend" She knows who she is. And she's been True to me. Go Gore!
and...for a Serious Moment..
RiP Kenneth E. Clodfelter of the USS Cole. He was a Really nice guy. I will miss him. And peace to you too Noah, Daddy's come home.

current mood: bitchy

(comment on this)

Monday, October 30th, 2000
10:56 pm
Wow...its been a while. Ive Moved out...been Dumped...gained a roommate who is the total opposite of me, and perhaps lost who I thought was to be my best friend. But really, am I just thinking that I am just jealous? Prolly so, its a common trait for me. Brian at first, wanted to marry me, then he didn't, and felt that I was basically lazy...Travis still comes around...but he's boring. Crystal was with me for maybe three days...but she was a little bit too demanding for love....::Sighs:: Why Can't it be just...perfect, like it was when I was little? Sometimes I wish I could be younger without a single care. I pay my first rent wednesday...and Im actually scared to death. and I have no real reason to be...thats like...I have no real reason to doubt my best friend right? Except for maybe he was the Bestfriend...and I wasnt....Its not easy being Green.....with Envy. Well....thats my posting for today...

current mood: envious

(1 comment | comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page